![]() ![]() My maternal grandfather was a contract negotiator for the military. Why are banal things “corny”? Who hates corn? It's the the backbone of agricultural efficiency. Earth men were dicks and hid their space suits. Selkies, Swan Maidens, and Tennin were obviously hot space women. Tootsie Rolls taste like chocolate milk for astronsuts. Shenanigans involving donkeys and junebugs, and questionable feats of weather. I make up vaguely Southern-sounding phrases and watch people try to figure out if I’m joking. I will magpie the heck out of those tiny little rings and pocket ninjas in the vending machines at the entrance of all Jim's restaurants. I would’ve done well to say doughnuts, but that seemed too big. The older I get, the less naughty that sounds. If my buttons were candy I'd always be sticky and naked. How weird would it be of I pulled out a bib at a restaurant? If you were on a date with someone who did that, would you get up and leave? In my heart, I'm spinning the color wheel. Why isn't grass purple? Why can't people be green? Our vision is so limited. Is this like a fin we evolved away from needing that still flaps uselessly in the windmills of my mind? I always look worried, startled, or embarrassed. I didn't realize before doing a podcast that my face frequently goes off-script. My demons were tame and knew their place. ![]() I didn't play with fire, or kiss boys behind bushes. I like tomato sandwiches, tomato soup, and having my hair brushed. There’s a toy surprise behind door number six. I just type things that I think sound good. A sad but vibrant kindness ran through that place like a pulmonary artery squeezing a juice box. We were trying to catch them, keep them safe. I remember laboring with a staff member to bust them open on the pavement outside the tiny matchstick kitchen, and clearing the oven because there were mice. My daughter said, “You look happy,” when she saw this picture. ![]() I was a caregiver for various family members. I volunteered at a primate sanctuary for a year. I read a lot of fanfiction and enjoy posting on message boards.Ĭat person. Makeup is fun, but feels bad on your face. I like to dance and take walks and watch TV. I think sleep is the best medicine and I don't get enough of it. Probably unfollowed by most of my Facebook friends for spamming their feeds with animal activism. I cohost the Average Attention Span podcast with my brother, Shannon. ![]()
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